Saturday, December 31, 2011

Good Bye 2011.

I have learned two valuable lessons in 2011.

1. Make sure every person who matters in your life knows it.

2. There is no such thing as cryproof mascara.

Wishing my friends and family a year full of health and happiness, and keeping those who need it in my thoughts and prayer.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Heart is Heavy.

Today is a horrible day. Our family is now facing one of the saddest things we have ever had to deal with.

Our phone rang early this morning, with a confused friend who had heard a terrible story. I was quickly phoning around, praying that it wasn't true, but it was. Cody has lost a childhood friend, a groomsman, and a great influence in his life.

Our friend Dan was called to a fire early this morning as a volunteer fire fighter. The fire was not something that would have been considered more dangerous than many other calls he had been one, but for some reason, today, Dan was taken from us. Today also marks 2 months since his wedding.

We have never had to deal with something so huge, and painful, and I hope it is a long time before we ever have to again.

We miss you already Dan.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

It's Reached the Point...

I have 14 weeks to go, and I already miss having a space between my thighs, bras that fit, and pants with buttons and zippers.

This baby had better be as cute as the last two.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I may be fat, but you're inappropriate.

Fair Warning:
The next person to see me in public and say "Christmas Baby?", will be rammed with my shopping cart repeatedly.

Monday, December 19, 2011

I am pretty sure if my house looked as bad as my van, my children would be removed from my care. I feel like I'm driving around in an episode of Hoarders.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Facebook Faux Pas

Its bad enough when you run into someone you've deleted from your facebook for being a whiner.

Its even worse when they ask you about it.


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Can I get a "Hell Yeah!"

I get to show up at my 10 year grad reunion with more than just stretch marks and a van full of kids.
I'll be framing my certificate and taking that with me too!
Thank God I made it, I'm done!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Pregnancy Woes. Do not read unless you want to feel sorry for me.

I have a serious back ache.

I sure would love a hot bath, unfortunately, I have the world's smallest tub, and with this weight gain, I feel like I would need to Crisco my hips to ever get back out.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Living in the Ghetto

Reason #987 I love our neighbourhood.
While driving down our road today-

Liv- " Mom, does S-H-I-T spell dog bone?"

Me- "Uh, no. Why?! Where did you see that?"

Liv- "On the car we just drove past. It said S-H-I-T, and then there was a dog bone drawn beside it"

I had do drive back around the block, to find out that was most definitely was NOT a dog bone. If I get a preschool drawing home with that kind of "dog bone" on it, I am burning down that neighbours car.

Friday, December 9, 2011

I am tired. Reminding me doesn't actually help.

The next person who greets me with, "You look so tired", has to take my kids for a full 24 hours while I sleep.

Consider yourselves warned.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Here we grow again.

Welcome back 20 lbs. I sure appreciate you joining me again, and bringing 3 of your friends.

Ugh. Looks like I'll be spending some time with Jillian next year.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm going to start to stink...

If you run into me, and I look like I haven't showered, it's because I can't. My kids can't survive the 10 minutes without supervision.

Last week Pierce wandered into the bathroom wearing his hockey skates (thank God for laminate flooring). I had to wrestle him down on the floor, pregnant, naked and freezing, to get them off.

Today he walked in wearing a brand new pair of Etnies. This wouldn't have been such a big deal, had they not been wrapped and under the Christmas tree.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Name that baby...

Probably won't ask Liv for baby name help again.

Not that Snooky isn't a good name for a baby, but it worries me that her father is letting her run the remote when I'm not home.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Tell it like it is.

I guess I'm not hiding my bad mood as well as I thought today.

Liv- "Mom, I would rather lay in a bathtub full of lava or let Pierce beat me up with a hockey stick than hang out with you when you're this grumpy."

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Snakes and Snails, and Puppy Dog tails.

Kids learn from us, but we definitely learn from our kids too.

In the past 24 hours, Pierce has taught me that Vick's needs to put a child proof lid on their Vapo-rub, and ANY body part is fair game with a purple marker in your hand.

Little Boys are all kinds of fun.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

It's not a teddy bear, but it'll do.

Some people struggle to get their kids to give up the bottle at bedtime. That would be too normal for Pierce. I'm trying to wean him from wearing hockey gloves and carrying a puck and stick to bed.
It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't wake up with the stitching indented into his face.

Odd ducks, these kids of mine.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Fatter by the minute

Elastic waistbands are a dangerous thing this time of year.

Friday, November 18, 2011


Got to see the baby bean today! Another big baby with a massive head. Fantastic.

All looked good though. A healthy baby, measuring about 2 weeks ahead of schedule.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I get it. I'm pregnant.

When you say, " Whoa! Do they know what's causing that?!".

I want to punch you in the face.

Its my third, don't talk to me like I'm a Duggar.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Liv handed me an envelope to open today. Inside it was a piece of paper with half a pack of gliitter and a lot of scribbling.
Me-"Thanks Liv, this is quite the creation! I love it. "
Liv- "Mom, that is NOT a creation. Its patience. I made it for you because you keep losing yours".

Mommy Fail. I most definately know what a bag of crap feels like now.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

You can't teach this kind of empathy.

I often wonder what Liv is thinking about when she's quiet. Tonight, I got some insight.
While sitting quietly coloring she says. "I feel bad for people sometimes. "
Me: "That's called empathy Liv. That's good, it means you care. Who is it you feel bad for?"
Liv- "Well it's not actually a person. I feel bad for animals when we eat them, and your vagina when you push that baby out".

Not sure how the two tie together, but I appreciate the concern.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Boys will be boys.

Sometimes, especially when raising a son, I say something and I am instantly thankful that it isn't 15 years down the road.

Tonight's example:

"Pierce, if you purposely stick your testicles to that window again, I'm going to make you wash it."

Motherhood is a beautiful thing.

Jiggly Bits

I'm thinking it might be time for Liv to change in the stalls at swimming.

There is no way to recover from, "Whoa Mom, that lady's bum jiggles more than yours!".

Shoot me.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Happy Birthday LivBug!

Tomorrow marks 5 years since I realized what life is really about.
I had no idea what I was in for when I held her for the first time, and the ride hasn't stopped since.
Happy Birthday to the smartest, cheekiest, and most adorable little girl I know. I love you.

Happy Freaking Halloween Idiots.

Dear Neighbors,
I am not a violent person, but when you decided to set off 10 minutes worth of fireworks at 5 am, I did imagine that the last one was a gunshot, and you got what you deserved for being an absolute idiot.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Fat Pants

I am regretting getting rid of ALL of my fat clothes.
My wardrobe is shrinking by the day, and my stomach is most certainly not.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Oh Alyvia.

Liv- "Mommy, my nail has a bit of an imperfection"

Me- "An imperfection?"

Liv- " Yes Mom, you know, a FLAW!".

If she's this smart at 4, I'm terrified for 14.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Freak me out.

You know what is pretty much no fun at all?
Learning about, reading about and discussing almost every possible genetic defect known, while pregnant.
You know what makes it worse?
Dr. Google.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

If you want it done right...

Dealing with husband lesson #362.
"Oh! Found your keys Babe" does not necessarily mean he grabbed them.
And if you assume that he did, you will end up sitting in the vehicle without the keys, with a securely locked house.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


I love Cody, I really do.

But it's days like today, when my two year old uses phrases like "hardcore!" , and "Mommy! Fistpump!", that I wonder if I truly picked the right man to reproduce with.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Sleep is our friend, right kids?

Dear Children,
Remember our arrangement? You sleep through the night and I don't come unglued on you. If you're not going to hold up your end of the bargain, no promises from me.

Mommy's gonna lose it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Third times a charm.

After the day we had yesterday, I'm not sure the world is ready for another Spencer child.
Let's just hope this next one takes after me. Calm, cool and collected.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Now I know why some species eat their young.

Some days I feel more like a one-man riot squad than a parent.

Today my children are lucky I don't have access to a taser.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

A good reason my kid's are too young to help with chores.

I appreciate Pierce's attempt at cleaning the toilet.
It's really too bad he used my toothbrush and that Liv NEVER flushes.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My kids have a great diet, they just don't know it.

I am enjoying the silence of my children devouring...get this... Black bean and Sweet Potato Enchildas.
Who cares that I lied and told them there was ice cream and chocolate candies in the center. We already know I won't be getting Mother of the Year.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

#1 Mom

Some days I feel really good about myself. Like I might really be catching on to this parenting thing.
Then I walk around the corner, and find Pierce drinking from a puddle.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


I'm searching for a flattering bathing suit.
Cosmo says to pick something that accentuates the parts of my body I am comfortable with. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a suit that draws the eye to my ankles?

I am seriously considering a wetsuit.

Sunday, July 17, 2011


This picture was too cute for me to not post.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Summertime and the living is easy.

I've been feeling guilty lately. Mommy guilt. I made the decision to be a "Stay At Home Mom", but every day, there is something. We are just so busy. I am running kids here and there, finding things to do, and just generally just trying to keep up. I decided the kids and I needed to find something to do together to slow the pace. We had an amazing day at D.avison Fruit Orchards. We played, walked, and took a farm tour pulled behind a tractor. It was bliss, with the two sweetest kids around. Definately a memory making kind of day.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Proof that nagging DOES work!

Buying a pre-built playhouse was a better financial decision. So far though, it has also cost us an entire day, a large fence panel, a huge portion of the tree in our front yard, and quite possibly my marriage.
UPDATE: After it sat on it's side for a week in my yard, it is up! The kid's spent the afternoon on it!

I don't know what I did to end up with kids this beautiful, but I am one lucky mama!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

First meeting with the OT...

Today was our first meeting with Pierce's OT. She was amazing! I am so tired of dragging Pierce from place to place, looking for information, answers, or even just someone to listen to our concerns. She did all of this, finally!

Her name is Michelle, and Pierce clicked instantly with her, which is all I can ask. She said that she feels that while he is on the mild end of sensitivity, there are obviously some regulating issues for him.

She seems to be really well educated in the eating sensitivities, and had lots of suggestions for kid's with low muscle tone in their faces and cheeks. One thing that we are going to try right away is stimulating Pierce's cheeks with tapping before he sits down to eat.

We also talked about some of his other anxieties, like the foam soap, shampoos and lotion, and she agreed with me about being careful not to push him. It was a breath of fresh air to talk to someone who didn't look at me like I was creating these issues myself.

We are going to try some of the strategies she suggested for 6 weeks, and then meet with her again close to his birthday to see where we need to go from there. I am hoping in the meantime we get some answers from the respiratory clinic, and that our Dr. will refer us for more of the allergy testing.

It feels so good to not feel crazy!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


"Mommy, let's pretend you're my servant, ok? I'm a princess, and you do all my cooking and cleaning. Oh, and you carry me everywhere so I don't get my shoes dirty. Oh, and you wash my clothes, and fix stuff when I break it. Ok, Mommy, let's start now!"

Yes Liv, I would love to play REAL LIFE with you. It would be a lovely break from what I do, day after day.

Alyvia- Creating Awkward Situations Since 2006.

I thought Liv's gibberish spelling was cute at first.

"Pierce, you are M-R-P-S-T-N...that spells amazing!"
Until today.
"Mom, I think you need a P-A-P"...
Of all the letter combinations, she had to use that to spell coffee? The poor cashier looked like he couldn't choose between dying on the spot or vomiting.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

This kid is all kinds of adorable.

*Ignore the laundry in the background. That rocking chair also serves as a laundry basket.

Monday, June 20, 2011

26 Things That Make Me Smile on My 26th Birthday.

1. Cody. I could not have married a better man. He's here when I need him, works harder than anyone I know, and takes better care of us than I ever could have imagined

2. LivBug. When she isn't teasing me, talking back or causing bodily harm, she is lighting up my life. Everyday I smile at her amazing personality.

3. Pierce Man. What's not to love? This kid is his Daddy in a smaller package, so he is my kind of guy. He doesn't talk much, but what he does say makes me smile EVERY time.

4. My parents. Not every girl gets the kind of help and love at 26 years old that I do from my Mom and Dad. I smile everytime I watch my kids with them, and appreciate everything they do for me.

5. The rest of our family! My kids have an abundance of people who love and care about them, and I smile everytime a goofy uncle plays hockey with them, or an Aunt reads them stories.

6. Coffee. More specifically, Java Jive's Medium Iced, Half Sweet, Low Fat Vanilla Latte. Oh, and the fact that it is called a "Hannah".

7. My truck. I know, nobody wants to admit material things make them happy, but that was the best gift my husband ever bought me. And these days, when van shopping seems imminent, I smile just a little more everytime I hop into it.

8. Polka Dots and Zebra Print. Not together, obviously. But both of these things make me happy.

9. Friends. I have so many. I don't know how it happened, but I may have created my own "In-Crowd". They all love me, listen to me, and laugh with me, and really, what could be better than that?

10. Micheal Buble, Jack Johnson and Kesha. I have no limits to my taste in music...or maybe just no taste, but loud music in a car on a hot day makes my cheeks hurt. I love it.

11. My kid's giggles. I know I already used them, but this is specific to the identical laughs they have. When they both get going, I can't help but join in.

12. Salt and Vineger Chips. This is the one thing Weight Watchers and I disagree on. They have to be good for me, they make me so happy.

13. The movie theatre. This is the whole experience. Loud shows, popcorn and Iced tea.I love it.

14. Shopping. Just in general.

15. A really good deal. Like finding something you have been wanting on 50% off. I think that makes everyone smile though

16. Family Pictures. I love getting pictures done of us all together. Everyone that comes into my house comments on how many photographs hang on the walls. In 5 years, this family has some pretty special moments to look back on.

17. Size 6. This is the first time in YEARS that I have been able to buy things in a size 6. Everytime I do, something inside me is proud of the hard work I have put in.

18. Oprah. I miss her.

19. Snuggling babies. Especially my own. I am generally a very hands off person (to my husband's disappointment) but holding a warm, clean baby does something to me I can't explain.

20. A positive pregnancy test. Now, before we get all ahead of ourselves, this is not an announcement. I just love the feeling you get when you realize you instinctively already knew what the test is now telling you.

21. Checking the mail. It's something I thought I would outgrow as I started receiving more bills with my name on it, but I love walking to the mailbox and checking for surprises. This is something Liv and I love to do together.

22. Hot Showers. Like, so hot my skin tingles. Cody and I can't shower together because I like the burn and he is a wimp.

23. Gardens. I hate digging in the dirt, weeding, remembering to water and everything that comes with gardening, but I love to sit in a quiet garden and drink iced tea. Thank God I have a mom that likes to do all of the above mentioned chores.

24. Grey's Anatomy. It's dirty, sexy and one hour of my life that I cherish. This may change when Patrick Dempsey moves on.

25. Having a clean house, or catching up on laundry. It's rare, but I am sure to appreciate when it happens.

26. Facebook. It's another guilty pleasure but it has also been my connection to the outside world for the last few years when I feel like I am trapped inside my house with 2 screaming monsters and a headache.

I thought 26 things might be hard, but I think I could probably do 100 more. I am trying hard everyday to appreciate the things I have, because truth be told, I am one blessed girl. Happy Birthday to me.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Don't be a Drag, Just be a Queen.

I had no idea that my daughter was going to be an exact replica of myself. But, holy shit, am I ever glad she is. Style points for both of us. I love this kid.

Head Banging

Only at my house would the timing work out for Liv to open a drawer the same second I flip my head over to blow dry my hair. I must have killed somebody in a past life, and my children are my karma.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Father's Day

There has been something hanging over me that last few days. It's been hard to put my finger on, until tonight, when I realized that tomorrow is Father's Day. That's not true. I knew tomorrow was Father's Day, and I had plans to get MY dad a card, and Liv put something together for Cody at preschool. But it occured to me that Cody really won't be here tomorrow, and my kids will be missing out while so many other kids will be celebrating with their dads.

I didn't expect Cody to be an amazing father. I didn't expect him to leave or anything, but the circumstances around my pregnancy with Alyvia were not the most desirable, and Cody is not in any realm, a lovey sort of guy. Or he wasn't, until he held his baby girl.

From that day forward, Cody has done things that amaze me. The relationship he has with each of our children is beautiful. He is not gruff, he has the patience of a saint when it comes to a certain cheeky 4 year old, and he loves more than anything to share his passions with his kids. When I watch him shovel dirt with Pierce, or drive snail paced circles on the dirtbike with bobble headed toddlers, I realize that I could not have picked a better father for these children.

Whether the bond developed instantly, as it did between him and Alyvia, or it was slow and steady, like with his son, his love has been unfaltering and unconditional. He blows me away, has exceeded my expectations, and makes me proud.

I am sad that we have to celebrate Father's Day without him home with us, but it also shows me what an amazing person he is, for getting through this time apart so that we are all in a better, more comfortable place. It isn't hard to see that everything he does is for us.

Happy Father's Day Cody. We love you.

Ok, so it's not just me. They have gotten smaller.

**In a very busy public place. **

Liv- "Whoa, Mommy! What happened to your boobies? They weren't that huge when you had your shower. How did they grow SO fast?"

The "wonders" of a Wonder Bra. I'm locking the door from now on.I am also considering duct taping Liv's mouth shut for public outings.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Taking numbers....

Is it weird that I collected personal information from the man hitting on me tonight in the bar. And kept it to pass onto my husband? They both ride dirtbikes, like beer and have great taste in women. Really, it was a match made in heaven.

*Note, it has been at least 5 years since I have been approached in a bar. Actually,it's probably been close to that long since I have even set foot in a bar!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Well, at least I have a good personality, right?

Liv-"Mommy, your hair looks kind of ugly today"
Me-"Alyvia, that's not very nice"
Liv-"Well it does. And you have a pimple on your face"
Me-"Liv, if you're trying to hurt my feelings, you can go spend some time in your room until you have something nice to say"

Spends 10 minutes in her bedroom.

Liv-"I have something nice to say Mom. My Dad never has ugly hair or pimples."

These are the days of my life.

Mommy Tip: Don't wake one child up from a nap, make the decision that lunch can be later today, and head out for a massive grocery shop. People WILL openly judge you, and you WILL consider leaving the screaming cart of children in aisle 2 and running straight to the liquor store.

- Shout out to the lady who tried to stop me from feeding Pierce the cookie before paying. I'm not sorry he kicked you in the leg mid tantrum. I wish he had better aim.

Friday, June 10, 2011


Pierce Man is lucky he is so cute. Otherwise, I might have killed him today. This definately has made me realize that we really need to think about Cody finding a job that allows him to be around more. It is starting to screw with the kids.

Pierce is always "looking" for Cody. Every truck that drives by, or street bike (never mind that he actually only rides a dirtbike, that detail means nothing to Pierce) he asks if it's "Daddy?". But lately, he has pointed men out, and instead of asking if it's him, he states it. If I ignore it, he gets louder. If I respond, it escalates, and he wants to go visit his "Daddy". At first, it was funny. Now, it seems like Daddy is everywhere we go, and we are giving EVERYONE we see the impression that

a) we don't really know who Daddy is
b)we don't know WHERE he is.

Either way, I already get the teen mom look from most people (which, if you do the math, I am not) and now my kids are getting pity stares and probably starting to make some men's heart rate increase while they rack their brain to see if they know me.

Today was the worst though, ABSOLUTELY.

I only had Pierce, and he was in my arms. He spots some 16 or 17 year old kid across the bank and screams "Daddy!!!" in his direction. I know ignoring it doesn't work, but I tried it anyways. I avoided eye contact with the poor kid, but Pierce was flailing and kicking in my arms, and shouting "Daddy, Daddy, Daaaaaadddyyyyy!" at the guy. Once his shoe connected with my chin, I had to put him down before I dropped him. He raced over to the guy, arms up, still calling "Daddy!"... The kid ignored him, but the kid's MOTHER walked over and BLOCKED her son from Pierce's view, all the while, glaring at me! My cheeks were on fire, I was shaking and desperate, and there was no convincing Pierce that this kid wearing the same Metal Mulisha hat the Cody wears was not his Daddy. I had to pick up my screaming, kicking toddler and run out of the bank. I swear, the kid probably thought he had just been punk'd, and his mother realized that she had left "the talk" a little late.

I'm not leaving my house again. Ever.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Mini-van Mama

I am a little bit ashamed of myself. I am really enjoying the rental mini-van. Cody's right, I am getting lamer by the day now.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Poopy Pants

Me- " Do these pants look bad? They're too big"
Cody-" Nope, they look great, let's go"
Me- "For sure? I think I need new pants"
Cody- "Hannah, they look good, I swear. Don't worry."

...I wore the pants all day.

That night:
Cody- "Um, don't wear those pants anymore ok? The bum is so saggy it looks like you pooped in them, I think they're too big."

Gee, thanks. I would have appreciated the newsflash 10 hours ago.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Adventures at the Chiropractor

There is nothing better than taking off all your clothes and hanging out in front of someone that has never had children. Especially if that someone picked on you in Junior High. The paper thin gown I put on did nothing to hide the fact that my boobs are pancakes, and my stomach has a road map on it. My day is off to an AMAZING start.

On a brighter note, I think the chiropractor really did something to help my back. Turns out I had dislocated a rib without realizing (How is that possible?!?) and once he popped it back in, the pain went from an 8 to a 4. He said my muscles will be sore for a few days, but I can handle that. The last few days of pain have been unbearable.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

3 down, lots more to go.

Well Cody, One big wedding, One baby, Four moves, Three Lonely Winters and One Idiotic Broken Leg. Let's hope the next 97 years are less eventful than the first three.

PS- I know that I have 2 children. One of them is definately older than 3, so don't correct my math.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Real Mommies...

Liv-"Mommy, when will you be a real Mom?"
Me-"A real Mom? I thought I was ?"
Liv-"Nope. Real Mom's make dinner that tastes good and they drive vans. Oh, and they have bigger boobies."

I thought I was a pretty cool Mom. Apparently, I was mistaken.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

It's like Jr. High all over again.

I really don't think it's fair that I have lost 15 lbs on WW, and the only clothing I have had to replace are bras. I've gotta say, I feel cheated, and even though he doesn't say it, I think Cody might too.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Terrible Two's? Nobody warned me about 4.

Two was nothing compared to this.
Two year olds don't weigh 40 lbs.
Two year olds don't know how to hide things.
Two year olds don't trick their brother into taking the blame.
Two year olds aren't facinated with talking about vaginas, toilets and poop.

I do admire her stick-with-it-ness, her wit, and her beautiful smile. And when I am not secretly wondering what I did to deserve her, this girl really does brighten my day.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Old news.

"Mom, why does your face look mad?"

"Gee Liv, I don't know. Could it be because in a 15 minute span, you hit your brother in the face with a sand shovel, emptied out the dirty laundry hamper in the hall looking for your Hello Kitty shirt, and dumped your cereal on your lap?"

"No, that can't be it. Maybe it doesn't look mad after all. I thought those wrinkles were angry, but I think you're just getting old."

At some point in my life, I must have thought to highly of myself. That's why God gave me Alyvia- to make sure that I know that I am, in fact, the biggest loser around.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Miracle Pagina

NOTE- If you want to look me in the eye again,you probably won't want to read on.

Liv to her friend (an only child)-

-Liv-" My Mom's probably got a really sore pagina compared to your mom. She had two babies, and we flew out of her pagina. Gross, hey?"
-Friend- "My Mom has a pagina too. That's weird."

Cue hysterical giggling.
Even though they're 4, and I'm the only person in the house, I'm humiliated.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Break out the self tanner...please!

Public Service Announcement: If you heard that Casper was loose in town, there is no cause for alarm. That was just me, I busted out the shorts today. I apologize for any blindness I may have caused.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Liv- "Happy Mother's Day Mom!"
Me-" Thanks Liv!"
Liv-"Now remember, you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit."
Me-"Oh, ok. What do I get?"
Liv- "Well, you can get up now and make us a special Mother's Day Breakfast, I guess."
Happy Mother's Day to me!

My husband isn't much better. When you are presented with the EXACT model number of the new coffee pot I want, maybe, just maybe you could make that happen. I appreciated the sweet facebook message, but that doesn't make coffee on a timer, now does it?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Hard at Work

I'm a little bit scared to see what Liv's room looks like once she is done the "Mother's Day Masterpiece" in there. The large container of pink sparkles, and the need for a second tube of glue is freaking me out.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Buy your kid a damn teething toy.

Mommy Tip: If the cashier at the grocery store is looking at your kid in the cart with an awkward smirk on her face, you might want to check on him. He has probably stolen a tampon out of your purse and is using it as a chew toy.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Liv-"I can't wait until I'm a hundred, and I can die."
Me- "What?!! Why would you want to die?"
Liv- "Well, mostly because I could go to heaven. God doesn't feed you cous-cous in heaven."

Point taken.

Friday, April 29, 2011

5 Finger Discount.

Why do I even leave the house some days? My kid's have to be plotting against me. Standing at the Zeller's exit Liv screams..."STOP MOM, you didn't pay for anything!"

I didn't know if I should laugh, cry or run. And all I could think of was whether or not I had kept the reciept for the band aids and nylons I had in my purse from Shopper's.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

I picked a winner!

I love how we had 20 preschool aged children at the Egg Hunt today, and my husband is the ONLY one who popped a piece of play-doh into his mouth. I am a proud wife today.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Shit Storm. Literally.

There is nothing like an explosive diaper all over your kid, yourself and a shopping cart to remind you that you haven't quite reached SuperMom status. I don't think the gagging 4 year old helped either.

Then, to top it off, when I arrive home to deal with the disaster, I realize that I was so busy trying to not get crap all over the carseat, that I had left the $84 worth of painting supplies and my PURSE in the cart. Which was sitting in the parking lot at Rona. So, instead of unloading the stinky kid, I had to drive him, SCREAMING back to the store. Thank God nobody had touched it. Although, if you had seen a cart full of poop, would you bother trying to get to the purse?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Smart kid. Cheeky, but smart.

-Alyvia, walking past a man outside the store smoking, definately still within earshot.
"Ew, that smoke is gross. I need to go home and brush my lungs now."

I just want her to remember that when it's cool to poison your body.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Made in China

"Don't put Dollar Store toys in your mouth. They're made in China, and you'll die from the poisons they have in them".

Yes, my kid just said that to your kid. And no, I am not going to correct her. She's bang on.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

It's all in the delivery.

Is it only my child that says things at the most inopportune times? Why, in line at the grocery store, do you have to ask, "How come you always beat us at dinner?".

Only I understand that you mean I eat faster than you do.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Stinky Scape Goat

I don't want to encourage Pierce to say "No", but Liv has really found a way to make his "Yes" work for her.

In a room full of people at the airport, she farted, turned to her brother and asked "Pierce, was that you?".

Friday, April 1, 2011

Big Boy

I tried to tell myself it couldn't be, but it is.

Pierce yells "Whoa!" at his boy parts everytime his diaper comes off. C'mon buddy, nobody likes a showoff.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Just another power struggle.

I wish I could live my life as a 4 year old.
Only they can cry through their entire dinner about how disgusting it is, and then beg for the leftovers for lunch the next day.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

One Smart Cookie

Supposably is not a word, and neither is anywho.

If my 4 year old has to correct you again, I am going to lose my cool.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Where's your fanny pack?

My husband is proof that people CAN change. Airmiles card with his wife's name on it, his own Costco card and a Ford Focus. I never thought I'd see the day.

Monday, March 14, 2011


Liv: "Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
Talk to your dad -- go pee, got a wet dress
It's a love story, baby just say... yes."

......Me: "I think it's- I talked to your Dad, go pick out a white dress Liv"
Liv: " Mom, you're ridiculous. I know the song. If you pee on it, your dress is NOT going to be white"

Um,sure. Silly me

Friday, March 11, 2011

Playing Pool.

Dear Dirty Old Man next to us at the lights.
I appreciate your freedom of speech, but when my 4 year asks what S-E-X spells because your hat states: "Sex over 50 is like playing pool with a rope", I want to throw my vehicle into the side of yours.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Just living the dream, I am.

"Mommy, how come my Dad wanted to marry you"
"Because he loves me"
"I wonder why. You make alot of rules. And lots of them are silly.I won't be marrying you."

Thanks Liv.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Yes Man

I am so glad Pierce learned "yes" before "no".
He is much more agreeable than his sister.

Friday, March 4, 2011

What rhymes with truck?

Friday is a big day around our house. I mean, doesn't everyone love garbage day? My kid's go crazy as soon as they hear the truck coming.

Liv "Wow Pierce, maybe one day you'll drive one"
Liv- "Yeah, you be a garbage man, and I'll be rock star."
"Pierce will drive a truck
And I will have good luck.
I will look so cool,
and he will clean up poo."

It doesn't rhyme as well this time, but thank God she used "luck" for her rhyme. I was concerned when I heard the first line.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Rap Star

I am beginning to wonder about Liv's freestyling. This morning she rapped at breakfast:

I'm a pirate,
On a diet.
I eat Shreddies,
...cuz I'm ready.
Time for school.
Put your hands up.

As long as she's not the ho in the back of the video, I guess I can't complain. I may be raising the next Vanilla Ice.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Helping out

I just caught Pierce using baby wipes on the dog. Correctly.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Daddy Daycare

I am so glad Cody is home to teach my children the correct usage of a fist pump. We wouldn't want them to be inappropriate or anything.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I was watching him, I swear.

I guess I am officially out of the running for Mother of the Year. This is what happens when you run full tilt, slip on the car you are playing with, and smash your face onto the rocking chair.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Just a piece of meat.

God, I wish I could have my husband's confidence.

I go to the pool with my kids and worry about people staring at my white legs, love handles, and runny mascara.

He goes to the pool with the kids, and complains that every single mom there checks him out and wants to take him home.

Monday, February 7, 2011

I guess I know where I stand.

I think motherhood is the worst thing I've done for my self esteem.
Liv just told Cody he looks like Prince Charming.
And I'm Dora.
How is he a hunk, and I'm a chubby toddler with a bad haircut and a backpack?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I couldn't figure out why Pierce was running after the dog yelling the "F" word. Turns out, that means "sock", and Doggie had his in her mouth.

I guess Pierce gets his own quote section now too. God, isn't he an infant? I think I need another one, he's practically grown.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Near death.

"Mommy, you know how you know you're so old you're gonna die?"
"Um, how Liv?"
"You're boobies finally touch your feet. That lady at the pool, she's gonna die soon."

Wow. I guess it's time for Liv to change in a stall.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Beaver Fever

Liv: "Mommy, is Justin Beaver one of the Chipmunks?"