The things that go on around here...

Parenting Tip #9862

If you have nagged your kid repeatedly all evening to hang up her backpack and it is still on the kitchen floor, walk into the kitchen, absorbed in the argument you are having with your kids, trip over the backpack and swan dive into the nearest wall. No faking, you have to be for real. Once you are done swearing and throwing the backpack across the room, she will quietly hang it up without being asked.

The best part of this technique is that you will have a wicked black eye (and a brutal headache) to guilt her into cleaning her crap up for the rest of the week without you begging.

Thirsty?

Alyvia finally knows why it is I ask her not to maul Nixon while he is eating. I know I may have scarred her for life, but the shot of milk she got into her open mouth mid-sentence was something I wish I had gotten on camera. Consider that a lesson in personal space.

Bever Fever

What's worse than listening to Justin Bieber's "Baby" on repeat?

Listening to the Mini Pops sing Justin Bieber's, "Baby" on repeat.

And can someone please tell me where my 5 year old picked up these stripper-esque moves?

Proud Parenting Moment

I think my concerns of a raising a daughter with poor self esteem are unwarranted.

Alyvia just wrote a song with the chorus, "I know you love me, but I'm too cool to care."

One of those parenting moments where you should probably step in and talk about being kind, but instead I am secretly cheering.

Work Widow Tricks

Step 1- Turn alarm clock around in bedroom, so nosy 5 year old can't tell you the clock says 6, not 7.

Step 2- Tell the kids how lucky they are that you're letting them stay up late and watch TV in your bed. Let them thank you.

Step 3- Turn on cartoons.

Step 4- Lay in bed and read the paper at 6 pm.

Its win/win, really. They think they're getting a treat, and I'm getting a break. Genius.

Bad Mommy, Bad!

Living in the Ghetto

Reason #987 I love our neighbourhood.
While driving down our road today-

Liv- " Mom, does S-H-I-T spell dog bone?"

Me- "Uh, no. Why?! Where did you see that?"

Liv- "On the car we just drove past. It said S-H-I-T, and then there was a dog bone drawn beside it"

I had do drive back around the block, to find out that was most definitely was NOT a dog bone. If I get a preschool drawing home with that kind of "dog bone" on it, I am burning down that neighbours car.

Name that baby...

Probably won't ask Liv for baby name help again.

Not that Snooky isn't a good name for a baby, but it worries me that her father is letting her run the remote when I'm not home.

Tell it like it is.

I guess I'm not hiding my bad mood as well as I thought today.

Liv- "Mom, I would rather lay in a bathtub full of lava or let Pierce beat me up with a hockey stick than hang out with you when you're this grumpy."

Patience

Liv handed me an envelope to open today. Inside it was a piece of paper with half a pack of gliitter and a lot of scribbling.
Me-"Thanks Liv, this is quite the creation! I love it. "
Liv- "Mom, that is NOT a creation. Its patience. I made it for you because you keep losing yours".

Mommy Fail. I most definately know what a bag of crap feels like now.

You can't teach this kind of empathy.

I often wonder what Liv is thinking about when she's quiet. Tonight, I got some insight.
While sitting quietly coloring she says. "I feel bad for people sometimes. "
Me: "That's called empathy Liv. That's good, it means you care. Who is it you feel bad for?"
Liv- "Well it's not actually a person. I feel bad for animals when we eat them, and your vagina when you push that baby out".

Not sure how the two tie together, but I appreciate the concern.

Jiggly Bits

I'm thinking it might be time for Liv to change in the stalls at swimming.

There is no way to recover from, "Whoa Mom, that lady's bum jiggles more than yours!".

Shoot me.

Happy Birthday LivBug!

Tomorrow marks 5 years since I realized what life is really about.
I had no idea what I was in for when I held her for the first time, and the ride hasn't stopped since.
Happy Birthday to the smartest, cheekiest, and most adorable little girl I know. I love you.

Oh Alyvia.

Liv- "Mommy, my nail has a bit of an imperfection"

Me- "An imperfection?"

Liv- " Yes Mom, you know, a FLAW!".

If she's this smart at 4, I'm terrified for 14.

Now I know why some species eat their young.

Some days I feel more like a one-man riot squad than a parent.

Today my children are lucky I don't have access to a taser.

My kids have a great diet, they just don't know it.

I am enjoying the silence of my children devouring...get this... Black bean and Sweet Potato Enchildas.
Who cares that I lied and told them there was ice cream and chocolate candies in the center. We already know I won't be getting Mother of the Year.